I awoke one morning
To a strangeness in my head
Something that called clear to me
As I lay upon my bed
Words spoken soft and quiet
Thought it was no earthly voice
It laid before me two clear paths
Two realities; a choice
One path worn and trodden
Well followed and well known
The other unclear confused obscured
That I must forge alone
Then that voice it spoke once more
Though not a single word
Inside a verity revealed
But felt rather than heard
Followed then a question asked
“Will you accept?” gently said
Before my answer I dreamed myself
Along each path to tread

Your truth makes me unsteady
The ground beneath me shakes
And a worry begins to rapid rise
When my foundation quakes
The well-worn road it looks so clear
I see where each step should fall
There’s nothing unexpected here
No real surprise at all
Though maybe nothing truly good
Some jollity, fleeting thin
That brings a temporary relief but
Can never breach the skin
The same it may be day after day
But the familiar feels just fine
I accept the world as I am told
Fix my gaze and dull my mind
I let my youthful dreams dissolve
I let my hopes fall by
I nod my head and don a smile
And how the years they fly
I repeat the patterns I was taught
Discomfort I assuage
I may not be truly happy
But I feel safe within my cage
If I were to believe your truth
The things that it would mean
Of all I’d see I’d overlooked
Let pass unknown, unseen
The pain I caused to those I loved
Through ignorance and fear
A poison dram, a bitter pill
It will not enter here

The truth you speak offends me
And rattles my world’s core
I trust only what I’ve ever known
Of those that came before
Recognition threatens suffering
And I will not wear the cost
It’s painful to remember
When it shows all I have lost
So I remain ‘stead stubborn
With blinkers by my eyes
I will not look t’wards any truth
That sits outside my lies
My mind may run in circles
But I know the rutted track
And if I ever were to leave it
I’d never find my long way back
What’s in the unknown spaces
Looks dark from where I stand
With no assurances that way
I’ll stay on known land

“No thank you” mumbled weakly
When I finally did speak 
I settled in I turned my back
And swiftly fell to sleep

Your truth it makes me curious
My tethers all fly free
I do not know where I belong
Or how I’m meant to be
The way I thought that I would go
It fades and drifts away
It makes no sense to follow still
Where I walked day to day 
Each step is now uncertain
I must trust a different part
Of Self that speaks less in the mind
More from within the heart
Your truth calls me against the grain
The familiar and the safe
When one cannot see what lies ahead
One must rely on faith
All becomes turned inside out
What once was up goes down
Should I try walk with what was
I find it’s turned around
And while I reel from all the change
There’s something growing strong
Something within that I had lost
Yet known all along

I perceive myself all fresh anew
And nothing do I lack
In the mirror I see I am much more
Than what’s reflected back
I feel a stirring hope within
It echoes the truth you speak
It sends a light where I am dark
Strength where I am weak
And when I break it holds me close
Supports me when I stumble
As all I held in truth before
Cannot help but wholly crumble
See my towers are all broken now
My walls are torn apart
I can no more bear the heavy shield
That hid my yearning heart
All tender raw I am laid bare
My nerves are all aflame
Yet agony greater it would be
To hide my Self again

I’ll walk into the wild unknown
This journey I’ll begin
Though it may mean I first accept
I know not any thing
And whither does it lead me
This untrod path alone
Though I cannot see I surely feel
That I am coming home

“Yes please” I spoke in wonder
Though my voice did slightly shake
I sat and Saw with eyes wide bright
When first I true did wake

Tags

Photo by Federico Bottos on Unsplash